Love and Grief

Expanding on the idea that love is energy brings to mind Maslow's hierarchy of needs, a framework that categorizes human requirements for survival and fulfillment. Love, categorized as a base need, sits alongside essentials like food, water, air, and safety. These deficiency needs must be met for us to function at all. In essence, we don’t just want love—we need it to thrive.

Love as a Base Need

Maslow’s hierarchy reminds us that love is foundational to our existence. It is not an optional luxury but a necessity. Love provides connection, belonging, and the assurance that we matter in a vast and often uncertain world. It sustains us emotionally and physiologically, weaving itself into our very biology. Just as we experience physical hunger or thirst, we experience a profound sense of deprivation when love is absent.

When we lose a loved one, the energy of love has no immediate outlet, leaving us disoriented and aching. Even infants demonstrate this behavior. Although they may not comprehend the concept of death, their brains know when someone significant is missing. They instinctively search for that person, reaching for the love and care they’ve come to rely on. This universal response illustrates that the need for love is imprinted on us from the very beginning of life.

Grief: The Unplaced Energy of Love

Grief is the natural consequence of losing love’s tangible presence. It is, quite simply, the unplaced energy of love. When someone we love is gone, the energy we once directed toward them—through affection, communication, and shared experiences—has nowhere to go. This is why the pain of grief is proportional to the depth of love we experienced. Love’s intensity does not fade; it transforms, seeking new ways to express itself.

Acknowledging grief as an extension of love helps us to see it not as a weakness or something to "get over" but as a profound affirmation of our humanity. Grief is a surety of life, just as love is. They are two sides of the same coin, inseparable and deeply interconnected.

Creating Space for Healing

To heal from grief, we must make it comfortable enough to allow the process to unfold naturally. This means creating safe spaces—both internally and externally—where we can feel our emotions without judgment or rush. Just as we wouldn’t expect someone to recover instantly from hunger or thirst, we cannot expect instant recovery from the absence of love.

Healing begins when we:

1. Acknowledge the Need for Love: Recognize that love is as essential as food and water. Understanding its fundamental role in our well-being allows us to approach grief with compassion.
2. Honor the Energy of Love: Find meaningful ways to channel the unplaced energy of love. This could involve creating a memorial, supporting a cause the loved one cared about, or nurturing relationships that remain.
3. Seek Connection: While no one can replace the love we’ve lost, connecting with others who care about us can help fill the void. Love’s energy is expansive, and sharing it with others can be healing.
4. Are Patient with the Process: Grief has no timeline. Allow yourself the grace to feel the full spectrum of emotions that come with it. Healing doesn’t mean forgetting but finding a way to live with love’s transformed energy.



Moving Forward with Love

By understanding grief as the unplaced energy of love, we can approach it not as something to be avoided but as a natural part of the human experience. Grief reminds us of how deeply we’ve loved, and in that reminder lies the seed of healing.

Love, even when redirected by loss, remains a powerful force. It can inspire us to grow, connect, and create. Just as we replenish our bodies with food, water, and air, we can replenish our hearts by honoring the enduring energy of love. In doing so, we affirm that love’s essence is eternal—a guiding light even in our darkest moments.