The Misunderstanding of Strength in Grief

After my husband passed, people kept telling me how strong I was. It was infuriating, exasperating, frustrating, and every other synonym you can think of in that category. What choice did I have? It wasn’t as though I woke up one day and decided to be “strong.”  I woke up one day and found myself walking alone!

Yes, I suppose I could have curled up in the fetal position, thrown a pity party, and given up on life. That is a choice — but it’s one most of us don’t want to take. So, instead, we put one foot in front of the other, take the next step, and move forward — even on the days when we’d prefer not to.

Redefining Courage

Meriam-Webster defines courage as, "mental or moral strength to venture, persevere, and withstand danger, fear, or the ability to do something that frightens one." Courage is not the absence of fear, as many would have us believe. It is, in fact, the opposite. Courage is the act of moving forward despite fear — despite the overwhelming weight of grief and the uncertainty of a future you never imagined living.

It’s frightening to live this life without him. Some days, the fear and sadness threaten to consume me. But I’ve learned that courage isn’t about banishing those feelings. It’s about carrying them with me and continuing anyway.

I am glad I’ve fought through it. Because of that fight, I’ve been able to see our grandchildren grow up—to see them laugh, play, and achieve milestones I know he would have cherished. I’ve been able to share his stories with them, to keep him alive in their hearts and in the world. Every time I see their joy, I’m reminded that life, even in the shadow of loss, is still worth living.

For Those Still Fighting

If you’re reading this and feeling the weight of loss, know this: it’s okay to feel weak. It’s okay to cry, to be angry, and to struggle. Strength doesn’t mean you never falter. Strength means you keep going, even when it feels impossible.

I pray that you will get to the point where you’re happy to be alive again. It won’t happen overnight, and it won’t happen without pain. But one day, you’ll take a step forward and realize that, despite it all, you’re still standing. And that is strength.